If you know me then you know that there are certain things that I am particular about. I like things the way I like them and I very rarely go out without make up on. I’m kind of like the cover of those magazines where you see pictures on celebrities without their make up only I am not a celebrity, but I look just as bad. I’d tell you that I feel bad about being vain, but it isn’t really true. I don’t want people to see me looking haggard. I am in no way perfect and I am not trying to portray myself that way, but I do care about my appearance and I want to feel good about myself. I won’t lie, I look in the mirror a lot. When I walk by one yes I do check myself out. I look to make sure that those hairs that want to stand straight up are not. I look to make sure that I have nothing in my teeth, and I look to make sure all the rolls and such are covered and that I look presentable. If people were really honest with themselves I think that they would admit that they check themselves out as well. I actually find it a little odd that there are so many people who really don’t care about how they look and walk around looking like they just woke up. I know I’m a bad person. You don’t have to tell me. But seriously, I just don’t get it. I saw a lady walking her son to school the other day in her pajama pant with a hooded sweatshirt walking across main street smoking a cigarette. This was at 8am. Personally, I wouldn’t be out and about in my jammies. But come on, you need a nicotine fix that bad that you do while walking your son to school. I don’t get it. I guess that I just care more than some people. And honestly I don’t think that it has anything to do with self confidence and being confident in your own true inner beauty. I have plenty of self confidence and I still would not walk out of my house with at least eye brows painted on my face. So honestly what does that say about me? I know that this way of thinking is not necessarily the popular way to think but I do. I like my clothes to look nice, my make up to be good, and my hair done. I may at times relax a little on one of these things… I might put my hair in a braid or wear less make-up or dress casual, but for the most part I think I’m pretty put together. Sometimes I take it to the extreme, however as I say extreme I mean that you might think it is extreme to drive to work wearing flat shoes and then I change into my high heels when I get to work. I however, do not think that this is extreme. I think of it as being practical. #1 I don’t want to ruin the back of my heels by driving in them, and #2, I have to walk from a parking structure to my car and I’d prefer to be in flats. So where exactly am I going with all of this? Well recently I decided that 155lbs was just not acceptable for me anymore. I have only weighed this much when I was pregnant with buddy and just after I had him. And while in clothing I may not look huge I see things in the mirror before I get dressed that would make you scream with horror. I don’t like the roll that hangs over my pants when I sit down. I don’t like the fact that I pretty much always need to wear an extra tank top underneath things to tone down the spare tire that I’ve been carrying around since buddy came. I also would like to have one summer where I can wear shorts and be happy with how I look. Plus, if I were to get into a bathing suit today I might pass out from the grossness that I would see. Am I over exaggerating? No! Would this bother everyone? No. But like I said this is something that matters to me. To me it has become about making the choice. Going to the gym, getting up at the ass crack of dawn to go, hell it isn't even dawn. It’s pitch black outside when I go. But I’m making that choice. I want to see results. I want to wear shorts. I’m choosing to eat better and do what I need to do to lose the weight that I want to. One thing is for sure there will be sweat and tears, and if I don't lose weight there will be blood after I kick my own ass. Vanity is not a good thing…in theory, but to not care in my opinion would be worse.